T Minus 10 Days and Counting

 People ask me if I am sad or nervous or sad about Jenna's upcoming wedding. I don't mean to sound heartless here, but I'm really not nervous or sad. I am happy for her and Nolan. The start of this school year has been busier and more stressful than most so I haven't had much of an opportunity to focus on the wedding. It has just been an event, albeit a big one, on my calendar and I haven't had a whole lot of time to think about it. And since Jenna is so organized most of the details have been taken care of in such a timely manner that neither Vicki nor I have been asked to do much. That is likely to change in the next ten days, but so far the date has been silently slipping up on me. Hopefully I won't find myself emotionally unprepared for the big day.

As I think about Jenna getting married I keep going back to one afternoon here at the house when Jenna was just a few months old, so it was the summer of 1998. Vicki was out for some reason. She never went far or was gone for too long because she was nursing, but babies scared me to death and I was nervous, terrified even, whenever she went out to run an errand and have some much needed alone time.

I remember having fun playing with Jenna but being very relieved when she finally got sleepy and went down for a nap. I came upstairs where our computer was at the time to do something but wound up sitting there at the desk contemplating fatherhood. Now I am not a little kid person (obviously, since I teach middle and high school) and the thought of having a little kid that I couldn't relate to at home for the next 10-12 years scared me to death. I am also not an athletic guy, I've never even enjoyed watching sports on TV much at all, so the thought of possibly going to practices and games in the years ahead was very discouraging. All of these thoughts and feelings were swirling around in my mind as Jenna slept and I wasn't in a good place. Then an idea that I feel came from God popped into my mind.

I am very careful about claiming that God has spoken to me, but in this case I believe he placed this thought in my mind to germinate and grow over the months and years to come and that thought was, "You're raising her to leave." It truly hit me with a jolt and I sat back in the chair to consider this new idea. Raising her to leave. All of a sudden I had the end in mind; a goal to aim for. This wasn't about me, but her. I need to enjoy the days ahead even if they aren't things I would pick to do because this is about my daughter, not me. Enjoy each phase because all too quickly that season will come to an end and Jenna will move on to something new. And I always keep it in the back of my mind that I'm raising her to leave, to go out into the world and be a child of the King, made in his image. It was my job to show her how to live in his likeness.

This idea has been in the back of my mind ever since. It has guided me as I've raised her and her brothers. Now Ben and Nate are both away at school. (So strange that the air conditioner upstairs that normally runs 365 days a year is now silent.) In ten days Jenna leaves. She will join Nolan in marriage and they will create their own family. She will be leaving the protection of my home and building her own with Nolan. And if God blesses them with children it will be their duty to raise them to leave. One of these days Ben and Nate will do the same thing.

So with the wedding in ten days I am humbly grateful to find myself where I am. She's ready. She's found a good man. And while she and Nolan will always be part of our family it is time for her to leave, and I'm good with that.

Hopefully nothing will happen in the next week and a half to derail the big event. If it does, we'll just deal with what we're presented with. If you cannot come to the wedding you can look Jenna up on Facebook. The ceremony will be live-streamed from her account.

Joe