We celebrated Mom's 92nd birthday on the Tuesday after Mother's Day (the 12th). We couldn't have a face to face visit, of course, but we were able to gather outside of one of the large windows with her on the other side and talk over the phone while seeing each other. She looked like she really enjoyed that and told us she was having a good day.
As we were leaving I was on the phone with the administrator of her assisted living facility and learned that one of their residents had suffered a stroke several days earlier and in the hospital and tested positive for COVID-19. This news was requiring them to test everyone at the facility for the virus and begin in-room isolation that evening. When the results came back a couple of days later 13 of the 20 residents and 5 staff members tested positive. Mom was one of those with the virus. They would be tested again in two weeks.
So, Mom spent the last two weeks of her life confined to her room. The only people she saw from then on were wearing masks and gloves at a minimum. She was asymptomatic the whole time. She told us she felt fine the whole time. They checked on her every two hours around the clock and all reports we got were that her vitals were consistently good. She complained to me once or twice that she had eaten too much, but that was it.
On Memorial Day weekend we decided to travel to Virginia to visit the Jones family. Mom was doing well and was excited for us to go. There certainly wasn't anything we could do for her here.
All my conversations with Mom have been good ones. She would be confused at times, that was normal. Then you add being stuck in your room, disturbed every two hours day and night to have your vitals checked, and lack of daily routine, and her confusion was very understandable. But we had good conversations.
The last time I talked to Mom was last Tuesday (the 26) as I was driving to school. I tried to call her later in the day but her line was busy. I just figured she had forgotten to hang up her phone, but I later learned she called a lot of people and had really good conversations with them.
I tried to call Mom again Wednesday morning. This time there was no answer. That was very odd. After a second attempt I called the facility's main line. They told me Mom was not feeling well. She didn't want to get up and dress for the day. Her vitals were good, except that her oxygen was a little low. Mom never answered her phone that day, and as I checked with the staff her condition remained unchanged. Incidentally, Mom was retested for COVID-19 on Tuesday and they reported to me Wednesday that her results were negative this time.
Late Wednesday night Mom began complaining of chest pains. They said she also felt cold and clammy so she was sent to the hospital by ambulance. Due to the no visitor restrictions it was pointless for us to leave the house, but the ER staff were really good to keep us informed. At 12:30 Thursday morning the doctor told me that her blood pressure was low. He would try some medication to raise it, but if she didn't respond he would abide by her written wishes for comfort measures. As Mom's power of attorney, I agreed.
The doctor called back at 2:50 to tell me she had passed. He told me the medication only raised her blood pressure slightly and that they were able to tell her of her condition and ask her what she wanted done. She told them she wanted to be comfortable. A nurse named Ashlyn was with her in her final moments. As hard as it was to not be there, we are so thankful she had less than 24 hours of feeling bad.
So Mom's earthly story ends here. Her cause of death is listed as COVID-19, and I'm sure fighting that virus played a role, but in my layman's opinion Mom's congestive heart failure finally got the best of her. The details and timing are a surprise, but nothing here was unexpected.
Restrictions on funerals and other small gatherings are easing here in Tennessee right now, so after prayer and discussion we decided to make the following arrangements. We would have a private viewing with close relatives on Saturday afternoon. It was the first time I had seen her without anything between us since March 11. She looked good. As Vicki said, death made her look 15 years younger.
Yesterday afternoon we had a drive-by visitation in our church parking lot. We stood with Mom's casket under the portico and we had a steady stream of cars for the 90 minutes we allotted. After that we had a funeral service inside the church. It was open to all those who wanted to come, and there were about 100 there sitting in little clumps here and there around the sanctuary. We also live-streamed the service on Facebook and I know many more joined us that way. If you would like to watch it the service has been posted to our church YouTube channel and you can find it at the link below. It begins with a slideshow of 60 pictures which loops for over 10 minutes until the service starts.
https://youtu.be/GAY88S881TE
I gave a eulogy (see below) which was one of the hardest things I've done, but maybe also one of the best things I've done in this moment. I want to thank everyone who has prayed for my mom and for us. We have felt God's presence the whole time.
Joe
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Thursday morning my mom joined the multitude of people who make up the COVID-19 related fatalities statistic, and I want you to know up front that it was very hard to know the proper course to take in celebrating her life. So however you have joined us today—whether in person, by watching the live-stream, or catching the recording later—we are honored and we thank you.
You are all well aware that at 92 my mom had all the issues of aging that come with the territory. The comforting thing for us is that we have had ample time to be ready, and more importantly, the assurance of her future once her journey on this earth was complete. To apply an idea that King David wrote about in Psalm 139, even before August 1927 when my mom was beginning to be knitted together inside her mother's womb, all of her days were ordained by our Creator. She, like all of us, had a part to play in our King's epic story of human history. And while the date, time, and manner of her passing from this life may have caught us by surprise, the details were fully known to the Author of Life from the beginning because he is writing the story.
The beautiful mystery of all this is that while we are all written into God's epic story, we are all allowed to write our individual stories, to play our part, however we wish. And though we may doubt this, there are no bit parts or two dimensional characters. How important it is to play our role in concert with our King! How amazing it is that our King would remove His crown and personally step into His epic story to show us how to live out our stories. My mom did her very best to write her story well. You are here today because her story touched your story, because she walked beside of you in life. And let me say that she carried each of you close in her heart.
I'd like to take this moment to tell how her story impacted my story. Being her only child I have a unique perspective on that. Mom was the second of three daughters born to Jerry and Nellie Denning. She made her debut in this world on May 12, 1928, in Orlinda. Her older sister, Helen, was two at the time. Little did anyone know then how much struggle would be part of her family as she grew up.
When Mom's younger sister, Linda, was born a couple of years later everyone in the house was sick. Three weeks later their mother, Nellie, passed away. All of the sudden Jerry found himself a single father of three young girls. The family quickly decided that baby Linda would be raised by Nellie's parents, Jim and Lizzie Hancock, here in our community, while Jerry's mother, Amanda Denning, would move in to help him with Helen and my mom. Granny Denning, as my mom knew her, was in poor health herself and used a wheelchair much of the time.
My mom grew up in the Great Depression and times were hard for everyone. Jerry lost his job and eked out a living as a share-cropper for several years before getting the opportunity to do assembly line work in Detroit in 1943. When he moved—and this was just after Mom finished her freshman year at Orlinda High School—Mom stayed behind with the Hancocks and her sister, Linda.
Mom graduated from Cross Plains High School in 1946. She was the valedictorian of her class. She really wanted to attend a four year university but only got the chance to enroll in what we would think of as a vocational program for secretarial work at Nashville Business College. She never got to complete her course of study, which she felt bad about, because of a job opportunity with Nashville Sash and Door Company that was too good to pass up. She worked for Nashville Sash for about 17 years—quitting just before I was born.
My parents began to date some time in 1947. Dad was almost 11 years older than mom. Their courtship lasted a long time, but they finally got married in 1958. As I understand it, they enjoyed a wonderful marriage, and I came along in 1966. Unfortunately, my dad suffered from heart disease. He had his third heart attack, I believe it was, in 1967. He died in December of that year.
So, at the age of 39, my mom found herself in a similar position as her father before her. She was widowed, the motherless daughter was now the single mom of a fatherless son. She made hard decisions in moving forward. Knowing I would be her only child she decided to move in with her aunt and uncle and try to be a stay at home mom. Just a few years later Uncle George would pass away due to pancreatic cancer and our family was Mom, Aunt Margarette, and me.
My mom was a wonderful mother. She wasn't all that domestic, her talents were more apparent in the office than in the kitchen, but she could slap together a mean peanut butter sandwich! She was more motivated to cook if it was a dessert.
She always loved me. Always made sure I had everything I needed, and made great sacrifices to do so. Mom was a very giving person, as many of you know. It was wonderful to be her son on Christmas morning! One of the best memories I have of my mom is her reading to me when I was sick. Due to my allergies I was sick a lot as a boy, so we went on many adventures together in too many books to remember.
One of the greatest blessings that came my mom's way was the opportunity to be the secretary here at church in 1982. She had been working at Hancock's Loose Floor, which she enjoyed, but it was seasonal. The job here at church was not only year around, it also offered her the opportunity for ministry. This allowed me to see Miss Anne, and not just my mom. This job had a full plate of responsibilities. She was the receptionist, secretary for Bro. Bill, bookkeeper, and graphic artist for the worship folder as well as the newsletter that was mailed out to the entire church membership weekly, all rolled into one. She was also a friend and counselor to many. She was never too busy, there was never a deadline so pressing, that took precedence over her stopping to listen whenever someone called or dropped in. As Amy Jennings noted on Facebook regarding Mom's concern for others, "their problems were her problems."
And Bro. Bill, I really don’t know how to characterize your relationship with my mom: pastor/member, boss/secretary, fast friends. However you want to describe it, it was special and she loves you. She always, no matter what, had your back.
Mom retired as our church secretary in 2007, but she invested her life in everyone around her in many other ways as well. She led the GAs, a girls missions organization here at church, for years. She was active in her WMU circle. She taught Sunday school. She sang in the choir. There were the countless notes and cards she sent when people were sick, hurting, or just needed an encouraging word. And then there was the phone. There’s no telling how many hours of her life she spent calling to check up on people, to touch base, to share life, happy or sad. She was all about serving our Lord here in this place among this body of believers.
My mom, as I mentioned, was a very generous person. Giving to others was not only the way she expressed her love, it was how she served others. I think she would be appalled if I were to speak to this more, but let me say I have heard countless stories over the years of how she blessed others through her generosity. After cleaning out her house and skimming over years of bank statements and canceled checks, I am humbled, astonished, and I don't know how she did it.
I think one of the truly most incredible acts of selfless service I've ever witnessed was watching my mom as she took care of our Aunt Margarette during the last years of her life. We were hoping after Aunt Mar passed away in 2012 that Mom would have several years to be active, but her story did not play out that way. A broken ankle, mouth cancer, a stroke, a heart attack, and a broken hip all robbed her of strength. And this is in addition to slew of other health issues, including breast cancer and cancer on her nose, that plagued from her 40s onward. In spite of these setbacks she did not give up. She had living to do.
It was not easy for her to leave her home and move to assisted living, but she settled in and made herself part of the community whether for a church service, exercise class, or games. We are so grateful for all the love, care, and community she received at each place she lived since leaving her home. And when, in spite of all the precautions, this virus forced her to in-room isolation she made the best of it. In addition to connecting many people by phone she decided to read the Bible through one more time. I know she was somewhere in Psalms last weekend.
These memories barely scratch the surface of who my mom was. What a wonderful legacy to leave, what a tough act to follow. My mom loved her God and was faithful to serve him all her days. My mom loved all of you and counted each of you as special. Donna, Mom was especially grateful for how you loved and cared for her and she loves you. Russ, she was so proud that are are serving among us here now. She loves you. If she were here today, she would always have your back.
Aunt Linda, we are so glad you can join us today from Florida. As you know, you are so special to Mom and she loves you. Amanda, you know there’s a joyful reunion with your mom, your grandmother, and my mom right now. All of you in my family—the Cotters, Dees, Hancocks, Swanns, Yerglers—she adores you.
Vicki, my mom loves you and was always proud to have you as her daughter-in-law. And Jenna, Ben, and Nate, the three of you were a joy to her. She always wanted to know what was going on in each of your lives, interested in the smallest details. She did not play favorites, but made sure, even when talking to me on the phone, to relay her love for you individually, never as a group of grandkids. She loves you deeply.
My mom was a woman of prayer. She always prayed for me and my family. But I want each of you hearing me now to know that she always prayed for you, many times by name. Be assured that even though her walk among us is finished her prayers for us, all of us, continue.
