I think it has been obvious from what I have written about Aunt Mar over the last few months -- years, really -- that her health was declining. We saw that decline accelerate after Aunt Linda, Uncle Bob, and Ann Beth visited at the end of August. In spite of that she met each day with the determination to get up, dress, and participate in life, even if it was only for a few hours a day, all the way until the last couple of days. She passed away about thirty minutes before midnight on September 30. It was a Sunday.
We had the visitation at Austin & Bell on Wednesday and were simply overwhelmed by the number of people who showed up to pay their respects. In the four hours of the visitation there was no time where Mom was without someone in line to talk to her. The line may have grown and shrank over the course of the evening, but there were always people. We told the kids on the way home not to take this for granted as it is not normal. Aunt Mar touched many, many lives.
The funeral was held late Thursday morning at church. Again, many people there. I delivered a eulogy as did Bro. Bill. I am pasting in the words I read from below to share with you here. I know I departed from the script a little, but not by much.
I will write again as we get back into the normal routine.
Joe
On behalf of my family I'd like to thank each of you for being here today to celebrate Aunt Mar's life with us. As my daughter, Jenna, observed the other day, this truly is a celebration, not a funeral.
I'd also like to go a step further -- at the risk of making a lame blanket statement -- and thank everyone for everything. You have been so good to Aunt Mar and Mom, and the rest of us by extension, that there is no way we can keep up with all your acts of kindness. For months and months you have called, sent cards and notes, dropped by to visit, brought food -- you have all done so much that has touched and blessed us. Aunt Mar always wanted to finish out her days at home and you helped us accomplish that for her.
When we were meeting with Tim Nicholson to plan today's services and he asked if we had honorary pall bearers in mind we started reeling the names off and quickly realized we could ask our entire church plus many others, so if you are sitting here today we treasure all you've done for us and love you very much. You have performed as a Christian community should just like we read about in Acts 2, and speaking as a father, I am glad my children have seen you living this out.
Mom, wow! Aunt Mar would not have been able to finish her days at home if it were not for you. You dedicated these last several years to caring for Aunt Mar and that was not lost on her. She regularly told me and Vicki how much she appreciated you. We have witnessed you perform the most incredible act of love, loyalty, and selfless service. Well done!
Standing before you right now is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do. I've lost my second mother this week. I am one of three people who can say that this morning, the other two being Mom and my Aunt Linda. I'm here because I want to share with you a little about Aunt Mar since I have such an intimate perspective.
I'll have to say, one of the benefits of growing up with Aunt Mar as a second mom is that she hated to see children get spanked. I got out of many spankings I deserved and Vicki has said to her on several occasions, "Aunt Mar, I wish you hadn't done that."
I want you to know, everything you've ever admired about Aunt Mar was true at home. What she was in public she was also in private. Her standard was high and she never disappointed. I cannot recall her saying anything bad about another person. She was too busy serving others to talk about them so any ill thoughts or feelings she may have had toward anyone she kept to herself.
This is not to say that Aunt Mar never got angry, she did. I remember one day when something happened that gave her every right to be angry, livid really. Aunt Mar had ordered a load of fresh gravel for the driveway. When the truck arrived she had the driver get out so she could show him what she wanted and alert him to a couple of hazards: one of those being the place where the power and phone cables cross the driveway overhead. After the briefing was over the driver promptly got in his truck, raised the bed, and started to spread the gravel without a thought to what Aunt Mar had told him. Within a few seconds he had snagged to power and phone lines, ripping them loose from the house, and bending the service entrance conduit that sticks up above the roof. Aunt Mar didn't say anything to the driver, but Pat Head Summit has nothing on her for icy glares. Actually, I think Coach Summit could have taken lessons.
One thing about Aunt Mar that was fun for a little boy was that she had the Hancock foot when she was behind the wheel. She was a good driver, but she was a fast driver. Going out West to visit Aunt Carrie and Uncle Ed was a lot of fun because she would zip along at 100 mph where there was nothing but miles and miles of oil wells and cactus. She'd also get a little aggravated with Mom when she relieved Aunt Mar at the wheel and only did 70 or 80.
I remember one time Aunt Mar and Mrs. Sue Freeland took me, Brent, Brian, and Steve to Rivergate to see a movie. We boys were in the back seat begging Aunt Mar to drive fast and on that stretch of I-65 between Bethel Road and Millersville she put the pedal down. We were doing 95 with Mrs. Sue saying, "Margarette, slow down!" the whole way. It was great!
Aunt Mar enjoyed roller coasters. She rode the Walbash Cannonball when it opened at Opryland. It had a double corkscrew making it the first roller coaster at Opryland to go upside down. I think her only reluctance was that it would mess up her hair.
Aunt Mar loved to clean and hated clutter. She kept and immaculate house. What most people consider a deep cleaning to be done periodically was the weekly standard for Aunt Mar, and that was when she was working full time at the bank. Even the garage was mopped regularly. Vicki told me after her first visit to our house when we were dating that she had never before slept on sheets that had been ironed.
The day that she broke her hip back in the 80s she had been up on the roof to sweep it off. You'd think that would have caused the broken hip, but no, what actually did it was a cabinet door that had been left ajar in the kitchen. Aunt Mar had been out picking wildflowers and was getting a vase to put them in when she caught her pants leg on the door and lost her balance.
She would take down the kitchen curtains and wash them a couple of times a year. She loved for them to be wrinkle free so she would starch them before hanging them back up. Somewhere I have a picture of those stiff curtains standing on their own in the middle of the kitchen floor holding up the curtain rod.
I never had to clean my room because Aunt Mar just came through every day and did it for me. Of course, I had to fish a lot of things I wanted to keep out of the garbage because if it was laying out it would be whisked away.
Nothing was safe from Aunt Mar's mop and dust rag. I had a box a treasures I wanted to keep -- really cool stuff. Okay, it was actually a box of junk, but they were treasures to a boy. I kept the box in the garage, but after rescuing my treasures from the garbage several times I moved them out to the shed. A few months later I went out to the shed and my stuff was GONE! -- never to be seen again. The whole shed had been cleaned out. I think I still have unresolved issues over this.
Aunt Mar was a fast and hard worker. One year Kenny and I had a crop of tobacco right behind the house and we had a section of the tobacco where the sucker oil didn't work. Now, for those of you who have not worked in tobacco, suckering tobacco is probably one of the most backbreaking, physically demanding jobs in raising a crop. Aunt Mar felt sorry for us out there and came out to help. She was about 70 then and we could not keep up with her. Of course, she was in shape enough to do this. It was nothing for her to touch up the yard with a push mower and lively lad.
We were looking through Aunt Carrie's desk about a year ago and found a letter Aunt Mar had written to her sister. In it was a list -- dated June 22, year unknown -- of all the things she had done that day.
Got up and ate breakfast
Washed clothes
Swept the garage and moped it
Went to Roy Cole's and picked beans and squash
Fixed lunch
Hoed out garden
Went to Nashville with Anne to see Dr. Goldner
Went to Parkview to see Alice
Went to Memorial to see Robert
Went to Rivergate to get a tie for David
We met Joe in Springfield to eat supper
We all went to hospital to see Lillie Belle
Came home and strung beans
Took bath
Folded clothes
Twenty till twelve, ready for bed
Let me emphasize here, this was a typical day. And people say superheroes are fictional characters.
As I alluded to earlier, if any one thing characterizes Aunt Mar it would be servanthood -- to the point of pampering. For example, if you ate at our house, not only were you served an excellent meal -- because she was a good cook -- but Aunt Mar was getting up and passing you seconds before you had a chance to ask. Everyone who left her table had a smile on their face.
She was like that in everything. That's why I always described her as a cross between Aunt Bee (The Andy Griffith Show) and Mary Poppins. We saw Aunt Mar do more things for more people -- it's mind-boggling. She took care of details no one knew existed, doing anything required of her, meeting any need she perceived was there, all without complaint. There was no act of service beneath her.
Aunt Mar exemplified the two greatest commandments Jesus talked about in Matthew 22. "Love The Lord your God with all you heart, soul, mind, and strength." and "Love your neighbor as yourself." And to Aunt Mar everyone was a neighbor
I'll leave it to Bro. Bill to speak more about Aunt Mar's faith, but I do want to say she lived out her faith in God every day, all the way to the very end. Jenna had the privilege of overhearing one of her passionate prayers one afternoon last week. She was actually very upset with God for leaving her here so long -- we are speculating the delay was because heaven needed to be cleaned to her standards before she got there -- but in that Jenna heard her pour out her heart in a most beautiful way. That's her legacy.
Aunt Mar leaves us an impossibly high standard to live up to. I am blessed beyond anything money could buy that she is such a foundational part of my life. I just hope I can be that for the people I am privileged to meet.
Our last memories of Aunt Mar really interacting with us was Friday evening. I had to drop Ben off to go to a weekend campout with the Boy Scouts. She smiled at him from her bed and told him to have fun before we left. When I came back I brought some take out for supper and Aunt Mar wanted to come to the table to eat with us. She smiled and took part in the conversation as much as her hearing would allow. Nate was acting silly at the table -- being a normal nine-year-old boy -- and Vicki said to Aunt Mar, "He sure is a mess, isn't he?" She agreed with a twinkle in her eye.
And Judy, she enjoyed the hot fudge cake you brought in from Shoney's for dessert.
