July is here. It has brought temperatures in the 90s with humidity not too far behind. I guess this is why I felt it was time to start reading The Collected Jack London.
THE JOYS OF BEING A DAD. As a father, I see it as my calling and duty to provide my children with a daily dose of aggravation. The hairbrush seems to lose itself quite frequently around our house. This is never a concern for me as I keep my hair cut short enough to never need the thing. The other day, when the search was on, Jenna asked if I had seen it. Rather than answer, I began to bellow out the chorus of the Veggie Tales classic Oh, Where is My Hairbrush? Jenna finally looked at me and said, “Daddy, you are a strange man.” I trailed off my caterwauling with a feeling of immense satisfaction.
I got major eye rolls Sunday morning. I had called the kids to breakfast, but they asked if they could finish watching Arthur. Since we weren’t pressed for time I consented. When they finally arrived at the table they placed their drink orders. This was greeted with the following statement: “I’m sorry but since those dining with us this morning chose not to come when summoned the serving staff is now off duty. You will need to help yourselves.”
THE PAINTING CONTINUES. Actually, it’s just about finished. We lack some of the woodwork in our bedroom. At least we have been able to move everything back into the room and resume some form of order. I finished the walls in the foyer today but everything is still shoved into the center of the room as we still have the woodwork to do. The kids have enjoyed racing around the furniture in this room and I wouldn’t mind so much if I weren’t having to straighten out all the drop cloths all the time.
TAXI! One of the latest games the kids have dreamed up is playing “Taxi.” Their “cab” is a bent up hula hoop. The driver and one passenger get inside the hoop and trot around the house. If there is a second passenger they are found holding on to the “rear bumper” of the cab. This is usually Nate and he is heard shouting, “Tacky! Tacky!” as he follows behind.
ANOTHER QUICK VISIT. I reported two weeks ago that Aunt Linda and Uncle Bob stopped by for a brief visit. They came back through this week on their way home from New Jersey. We only got to see them one night which was when we went to the Catfish House to eat. Vicki went over to Aunt Mar’s later that evening for a late night of Spades.
Speaking of Spades, Mom and Uncle Bob had one really memorable game. During the bidding phase, Aunt Mar and Aunt Linda decided to go blind low. With that bid on the table, Mom, who is normally a conservative bidder, looked at Uncle Bob and said, “Let’s do 10 for 200.” The clincher was that Aunt Mar and Aunt Linda were set during that hand giving their opponents a 400 point lead. I hear Uncle Bob kept the score sheet as a souvenir.
ANTICIPATION. It is always fun when cousins visit and our kids are looking forward to a visit from their Florida cousins. Here is a copy of an email I sent to Jim and Dianna around 10:30 this morning which captures the mood around our house pretty well.
To Whom It May Concern:
My children have a solid grasp of the travel plans you have for Monday, July 10, 2006. They know you will be visiting Purity Dairies for a tour of the facility at or around 1:00 pm. Furthermore, they are well aware that said tour lasts about 45 minutes. With this information they (mainly Jenna) have calculated that you will be back on the road by 2:00 and, if traffic is good, you should be arriving at our residence around 2:45. Those who track this sort of thing inform me that at the time of writing this email it is 9 days, 4 hours and 15 minutes until your arrival, give or take 15 minutes.
The parents of the above mentioned clock watchers would like to strongly advise the parents of the anticipated cousins to drive safely but with all possible expediency to arrive here on our children's schedule before we go nuts. The mother of this brood will be on the front lines that day as the father will be at work (the only day he is working that week).
Sincerely,
The practically insane father of the Swann kids.
P.S. You did not hear this from me, but the Cotter kids would be well advised to arrive with water weapons fully loaded.
